The Supermom Isn't A Myth: She's Just Not What You Think She Is

As you might have already figured out, I am a pretty busy woman.  I have a husband and 5 children, plus parents, in-laws, siblings and a dog all needing some attention.  Add in the fact that I homeschool my younger two kids, run a homeschool program for children in my community, and have recently started working as a shadchan (matchmaker), and my time is mostly filled.  Throw in my job that makes money, i.e. designing kitchens and flip houses, and there isn’t much time to spare (notice that I didn’t even bring up my cookbook, this blog, or YouTube and other social media- they are coming last at this point, but I still try to dedicate some time each week towards them).  It looks like I do it all and a comment I get from other moms fairly often is that they cannot fathom how I manage it.  The elusive Supermom.  A Supermom who does it all somehow, and does it well.  But I am writing to tell you that it is all nonsense.

Oh, I am doing all of the things that I said I am doing.  That part isn’t inaccurate.  Am I scrambling between 15 different responsibilities each day?  Yes, I am.  Am I somehow fitting parenting, schooling, cooking, videoing, and designing all into my week each week? Yes, I am.  Am I doing all of it well?  Nope.  I am not necessarily doing it all poorly either, but it doesn’t all get done to the best of my ability, and that’s the truth.

The unattainable “Supermom” would manage all of those things and do each task as brilliantly as the next.  But I said unattainable for a reason.  I simply don’t have enough hours in the day or the available energy levels to accomplish each and every one of those tasks each day as well as I would like.  Some days, the laundry gets washed and folded, but no Instagram post was made.  Or maybe I called a single about a potential dating match that day, but dinner was a prepared meal from the freezer.  Sometimes dinner is ready on time and math class went well, but no social media or singles got any of my attention.  Sometimes I spend time with family and nothing else gets done.  And guess what?  That is all okay.

It took me a long time to really understand that it’s okay to not be a “Supermom”.  When my big kids were younger, I felt the pressure to do it all.  Clean the house myself, make the meals all from scratch, help in the business.  It became overwhelming.  Sometimes I would give in and serve chicken nuggets or fish sticks and French fries from the freezer, and I felt so guilty about it.  But my kids thought those foods were great.  My friend and I started playing a game where we would give those foods fancy names so we would feel better about serving them.  They weren’t fish sticks…they were battered and fried fillet of fish, and so on and so on. And slowly I realized that I could only do most things most of the time and that was okay.   I could delegate some chores and responsibilities around the house and that was okay too. I gave myself some grace and leeway, and in the end also gave myself the ability to do a little bit of a lot of things.

 So, did I clean my floors this week?  Nope.  I gave up on that and paid someone to come to my house and clean them for me.  Did I make home-cooked dinners every day for my family?  Mostly, with some occasional leftovers or a bag of French fries thrown in for sanity.  Everyone had to fend for themselves for breakfasts and lunches. Did I go grocery shopping?  Yep, but I also ordered some items to be delivered to my house.  How about the homeschooling and the designing?  My kids were sick with the flu this past week, so I gave them medicine instead of math lessons.  And I found some great tiles online that I picked out for our current project, since I couldn’t make it into the store for that either.  Is this the first blog post in over a month because I simply haven’t had the time until now?  Yep. 

Do you know what all of that means?  It means that I might not be Supermom, but I am still a super mom.  My kids and family got my help and attention when they required it.  I still managed to spare a little time for my business and for matchmaking.  And I even put nutritious dinners on the table (almost) every night.  And it’s okay if it wasn’t all perfect.  It’s alright if the YouTube video I filmed has some silly moments in it because I didn’t have the time or energy to refilm it.  It’s fine that food came out of the freezer and we didn’t do any language arts lessons this past week. Because at the end of the day, my family is healthy and happy, everyone is well-cared for, and this mom hasn’t lost her mind or her sense of self-worth. 

So, stop worrying that you aren’t a Supermom.  You don’t have to be.  Do your best to take care of your family and yourself, even if something has to give occasionally.  Even if you need to serve battered and fried filet of fish, or leave the laundry in the dryer overnight when you would normally fold it right away.  If everyone is safe and cared for, you are the mom your family needs and the mom you strive to be.  You are already a super mom.